True Fear

Today something happened to me that has not happened to me since my youngster days when ghosts hid in every shadow and every spider was poisonous, I experienced true fear. It has been a long time since I experienced true fear, I have become somewhat of a master of simply focusing on the positives of situations and it is difficult to be afraid when you ignore the negatives and try to only see the positives. But today, today was different, I found myself in a situation when there were simply no positives to be found. When Lizzie Halper's slideshow malfunctioned I knew it was only a matter of time before I was called up to help, in the past four years I have become somewhat of the go to guy for technology in our class. However I did not expect to be stumped, when I hit that brick wall I looked around and realized my truest fear, failing my classmates. When I realized there was nothing I could do I died inside, I've never cared all that much about myself really, I like to pretend I do because it bothers people, but really, I could not care less, it is everyone around me that always comes to mind first, and not always for the better, if I really dislike someone and I know I can do something to bother them then I'll generally do it before even considering what happens to me as a result. After realizing this I really started to think about how I think and how it affects my decision making (for the record I just changed effects to affects because I know not doing so would drive many of you crazy, especially Emily the apparently mini Serensky). For instance, as you all know we all came to school in rather unorthodox methods today, as many of you know marc Vitantonio, marc Golsmith, and I rode in a small wooden cart, affectionately dubbed the the bearded crusade caravan, rigged to Danny pecchio's car. As some of you may not know our little cart was rear ended on our way in, this would have nothing to do with this post if it were not for the fact that I have realized that the moment I saw the gator about to pummel us into oblivion the only thought that came into my mind was that marc was in that cart and that if I let go of it he would flip over, take the full force of the gator, and well... Bye bye marc. Now this may be an extreme example but never did I put into consideration that holding on to the cart made it considerably more likely to pulverize me. Fortunately we kept the front of the cart down and marc was forced upward rather than colliding with the gator and we all made it virtually unscathed. I find this mode of thinking rather interesting as I have also felt it was human nature to consider yourself first, therefore either I am not human, or it is not human nature to do so, both are probably equally likely. The moral of the story is that contrary to popular belief the darklord does care about others, and therefore may indeed have a soul. It is a scary thing to find you have always had a soul.

Lets Focus On the Positive

Well fellow AP English 12 Students,

I guess this is goodbye... well for some of you. Though I am quite disappointed to be leaving AP English, the end of an era, I'm just not the type to focus on what brings me down. Instead I am just trying to focus on the positive aspects which have prepared me to finally leave AP English. Finally the hostility will be gone, no more intense AP English Discussions where it is necessary to interrupt everyone to get an A, no more attacks for my mispronunciations of names and words, for the record I prefer to pronounce them as they are spelled, so Iago will always be I-ago to me, and I won't even get started on the other names. I won't get glares from everyone playing with me for putting ridiculous cards down in apples-to-apples, not knowing who the people are, and most importantly I will no longer be FALSELY accused of simple selecting the center most card... those with poor sportsmanship, you know who you are. No longer will I have to shield my eyes from the paper next to me in order to try to spare my self esteem as I see others' scores which were five or ten points ahead of my own. Going back to critical remarks I may never hear an attack for having such a large backpack, or pretending to be considering dropping it on the heads of unsuspecting freshman below, they just are not worth it Chase, it is not worth jail. So goodbye AP English Students, and if you want to survive I recommend you start using the elevator, go break a leg.

Adios,
Chase

10 Reasons Why You Don't Want to Miss Out

10. You will learn to face your fears, whether it be turning in your first SOAPSTone or just talking with Ms. Serensky you will learn to face your fears in this class.

9. You will learn how to write good college essays, I think this was one of the biggest perks of taking this class, Ms. Serensky actually sits down with you and helps you plan out an excellent college essay.

8. You will learn how to manage stress. This without a doubt the most stressful class I have ever taken, and it has lead me to some serious break throughs in managing stressful situations.

7. You will learn to budget your time, and eventually how to have a life when having one seems impossible. This leason is imperative for college, because if you are going to be successful, you're going to have to study, but you need to know how to have a goodtime too.

6. You will learn the game of life, or as we call it, the game of simultaneous disappointment. Serensky will teach you the hard lesson that life really just is not fair and that sometimes you just have to be prepared for disappointment.

5. You will learn how to write. Just know this, for those of you who read this and think "Oh come on, I already know how to write," you're wrong, and if you think you're right... well then you're just an annoying narcissist.

4. You will learn how to participate in an English Class without sparknotes. To succeed in English you are either going to have to learn to actually do the work, or find a far more complex method of cheating (if thats even possible which I doubt).

3. You will eventually become friends with the most intimidating teacher in the school. Whether or not you're actually friends you probably will not really know, but you will atleast think you are friends and thats all that matters.

2. You will get to laugh at everyone else when they have absolutely no idea why you are speaking weirdwhen you are actually receiting quotes. Now you know why we were laughing at you.

1. I know it's surprising, but you will have fun. I do not know the source but when I look back on my past two years of AP English I know I have had fun and that it was completely worth it, it is a lot of work, but Ms. Serensky knows how to keep your spirits up.

Get These Voices Out of My Head

*Inside Chase's head during the English AP Test
Lady Bracknell: [To Chase] "'This shilly-shallying witht he question is absurd'" (Wilde, 9)
Junior: [To Lady Bracknell] "'Wait a few minutes'" (Currie, 258)
Lady Bracknell: [To Chase]"'I should be much obliged if you would ask Mr. Bunbury'" (Wilde, 9)
McMurphy: [To Lady Bracknell]"'What's this thing?'" (Kesey, 69)
Junior: [To McMurphy] "'Makes as much sense as anything else'" (Currie, 229)
McMurphy: [To Junior] "'I told you I'm not up on this talk" (Kesey, 69)
Lady Bracknell: [To herself] "'I think it is high time that [he] made up his mind'" (Wilde, 9)
McMurphy: [To Chase] "'Questions ain't bonebreakers, they ain't sticks and stones'" (Kesey, 68)
Junior: [To McMurphy] "'What difference does it make?'" (Currie, 244)
McMurphy: [To Chase] "'You don't have to answer, do you?'" (Kesey, 68)
Lady Bracknell: [To McMurphy] "'The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound'" (Wilde, 13)
McMurphy: [To Junior] "'Chief, you're our last bet'" (Kesey, 142)
Junior: [to McMurphy] "'I know what it says...is true'" (Currie, 49)
Lady Bracknell: [To Junior] "'I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me'" (Wilde, 14)
Junior: [To Lady Bracknell] "'Whenever it tells me about the future, things always happen exactly the way they're described'" (Currie, 49)



Does Everybody Have to Die?

Without a doubt my favorite piece of literature we have read this year was Everything Matters! by Ron Currie, Jr. There are many reasons for this, I enjoyed the scientific phenomenon of dual universes, was fascinated by the use of an entirely omniscient narrator, and I have always been fascinated by the idea of apocalypse. However I have to say that none of these were either of the two main reasons I loved this novel. Firstly, Ms. Serensky's claim that I "connect a lot with Junior" left me constantly pondering what on earth she meant. Does she believe "the Polish army of [my] emotional self has fallen to the Nazi war machine of [my] intellect, and [my] relationships with most people...are cool and slight," feeling that I am just a machine without any emotional ability which seems somewhat necessary to excel in English (58)? Or does she believe that in a few years I will be "out drinking every night," caught up in an emotional roller coaster which will lead me to make horrible mistakes such as playing with four hundred pounds of C4 (97)? Or perhaps she believes that soon I will be holed up in some "observatory in New Mexico" attempting to prove that the world will end within our lifetime (132). Just what does it mean that she believes I am like Junior? I guess a better question is if I want to be like Junior. Now the second thing that led me to love me this book was the speculative discussions that resulted from the ending. I love speculative discussions because they really just turn into arguments and secretly I love to argue, I just hate interrupting people. However I was distraught never to actually get to have my most anticipated argument, to challenge Ms. Serensky on the claim that "Everybody is going to die." You may all believe death is set in stone but I am not so naive to believe that, how could I be when we have managed to more than double the average life expectancy in the past few centuries and we are constantly lengthening it faster and faster. Recently there was a study on medicine tested on worms in which the worms with the medicine would not only live longer, but the worms which took the medicine would still be as active as younger worms without medicine. Now although we are not worms what this essentially means is that if this medicine was adapted for humans not only could we live much longer, but people in their 80s would be able to move like people in their 40s today. My belief is that we will continue to increase our lifespans at a faster and faster rate, until eventually we are extending them before we ourselves can die. Thus putting immortality within our grasp as long as it is not interrupted by unnatural causes. So I do not believe that Everybody Dies, so the real question now is... If not everything ends, then does everything really matter?

Perhaps Ms. Serensky believes I will turn out like this.

Top Ten High School Moments

10. Joining AP English
  I still remember making my choice to join AP English and how unsure I was if it was a smart choice. Over these past two years I am fairly certain I made the right choice, but at a serious cost. A serious amount of time and my life has gone into this class tot he point where I do not really have one anymore, when my friends want to do something and I can not because I am working on AP English I always think, "'It's me okay? I'm the zombie'" (Currie, 201)

9. Completing my first Data Sheet
     After completing my first Data Sheet such a powerful sense of accomplishment and relief washed over me I will never forget it. Now looking back at it I look at others and see what they have that "I'd like one of...for myself. A life" (Currie, 186)

8. Oli called out Ms. Serensky
   It was our first week of AP English 11 and Oli had not left yet, and I remember vividly as Ms. Serensky walked around the room happily talking about how she would not have to make lunch that night since it was friday. Suddenly Oli turned to her and said with a smirk "you still have to make it Sunday." Ms Serensky looked so angry, and I remember thinking something along the lines of, another "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" (Kesey, 285)

7. I nugged Moen's backpack, with cookies
     I kind of feel bad for it but during finals of sophomore year in a commons I took Moen's backpack, nugged it, threw cookies in it, and shook it up. It was probably the most mischievous thing I have ever done. People have always said that that they "often wish that in public, at any rate, [I] had been more demonstrative" of my mischievous tendencies (Wilde, 10)

6.  Ms. Serensky compared me to Junior
     I remember Ms. Serensky comparing me to Junior and not knowing whether to be flattered or insulted. On one hand she basically called me a genius, but on the other she has predicted that next year I will become depressed, become an alcoholic and drug addict, and basically will destroy my entire life. Now I wonder which Junior Ms. Serensky feels I am like. Only one thing is for certain, I too have used the sentence "You know how I'm always spacing out, and you get pissed off because you've just asked me a question" (Currie, 89)

5. I asked Ms. Serensky to let me go find my books
     I will never forget when I had to ask Ms. Serensky if I could go find my books because my friend had nugged me. It was quite a disaster, though now I look back at it with laughter at my own stupidity. Now I must say from that experience I learned "the vital Importance of Being Earnest" with my teachers (Wilde, 54)

4.  Receiving my Nickname
     In soccer I was given the nickname which has transcended me throughout all four years of my high school career, Dark Lord. At the time I assumed that nicknames really did not mean anything whatsoever. I was foolish, and naive... "Everything Matters" (Currie, 292).

3. Bringing Michaela to School
     Next would be my memory of bringing my five year old sister to school with me one day to tell Mr. Maas I would be missing his class to babysit. Walking around school with a five year old in my arms at 7 in the morning was a rather bizarre situation. I had considered going to see my other teachers as well to catch them off guard for fun, but considering how I looked as if I had an illegitimate child, but at the time I thought it was "better if they don't see me" (Kesey 3)

2. When McQuade stood up to Mr. Kerul

     Without a doubt, the second most memorable event in my High School career was when Ian McQuade called out Mr. Kerul, my least favorite teacher, for accusing his students. His interjection did "not seem to me to be a grave objection" (Wilde, 49)

1. Ms. Serensky's first "Dear Journal"
     The most memorable event in my entire High School career had to be when Ms. Serensky first did her impersonation of Thomas writing in his journal/diary. Thus Serensky found herself "surrounded by [her] dozen people...swinging a laughter that rang out" (Kesey 250).

Everything Ends

My favorite poem from this year in AP English was "Sestina" by Elizabeth Bishop. I liked this poem simply because of the style of the Sestina where it repeats the same ending words in each stanza, and because when I was reading it "something suddenly click[ed]" (55). This of course was significant to me because prior to this poem, every time I sat down to write the essay it made "me want to cry" (54). With "Sestina" I finally moved past my strong hate of poems and felt far less miserable while writing my essays. For some reason as I read about that crying grandmother who seems so depressed, and thought about what could possibly be her reasoning behind her depression, I realized that "everything ends, and everything matters" (292). Even those things which seem to have no significance at all, change something when they end.