True Fear

Today something happened to me that has not happened to me since my youngster days when ghosts hid in every shadow and every spider was poisonous, I experienced true fear. It has been a long time since I experienced true fear, I have become somewhat of a master of simply focusing on the positives of situations and it is difficult to be afraid when you ignore the negatives and try to only see the positives. But today, today was different, I found myself in a situation when there were simply no positives to be found. When Lizzie Halper's slideshow malfunctioned I knew it was only a matter of time before I was called up to help, in the past four years I have become somewhat of the go to guy for technology in our class. However I did not expect to be stumped, when I hit that brick wall I looked around and realized my truest fear, failing my classmates. When I realized there was nothing I could do I died inside, I've never cared all that much about myself really, I like to pretend I do because it bothers people, but really, I could not care less, it is everyone around me that always comes to mind first, and not always for the better, if I really dislike someone and I know I can do something to bother them then I'll generally do it before even considering what happens to me as a result. After realizing this I really started to think about how I think and how it affects my decision making (for the record I just changed effects to affects because I know not doing so would drive many of you crazy, especially Emily the apparently mini Serensky). For instance, as you all know we all came to school in rather unorthodox methods today, as many of you know marc Vitantonio, marc Golsmith, and I rode in a small wooden cart, affectionately dubbed the the bearded crusade caravan, rigged to Danny pecchio's car. As some of you may not know our little cart was rear ended on our way in, this would have nothing to do with this post if it were not for the fact that I have realized that the moment I saw the gator about to pummel us into oblivion the only thought that came into my mind was that marc was in that cart and that if I let go of it he would flip over, take the full force of the gator, and well... Bye bye marc. Now this may be an extreme example but never did I put into consideration that holding on to the cart made it considerably more likely to pulverize me. Fortunately we kept the front of the cart down and marc was forced upward rather than colliding with the gator and we all made it virtually unscathed. I find this mode of thinking rather interesting as I have also felt it was human nature to consider yourself first, therefore either I am not human, or it is not human nature to do so, both are probably equally likely. The moral of the story is that contrary to popular belief the darklord does care about others, and therefore may indeed have a soul. It is a scary thing to find you have always had a soul.