All Tragedies Matter

[Enter Lane with Reggie close behind, Lane appears rather distraught while Reggie appears to have a rather conniving face on]
Reggie: Lane...
Lane: "Yes, sir" (The Importance of Being Earnest, 4)
Reggie: Firstly, Stop calling me sir. It's weird, I'm your friend, you are no servant of mine. Secondly, I'm telling you it's time we got back at Algernon for the way he treats you.
Lane: Reggie, you're being rather ridiculous, all he did was Bunbury my sister... Ugh
Reggie: Something has to be done... "I'm-a blow that motherf**ker up" (Everything Matters, 109)
Lane: Reggie, that's completely ridiculous, how are you going to get a bomb anyways?
Reggie: I don't know, I'm gonna get real weird with it, I'll use cucumbers or something to power one, speaking of which did you get those cucumbers I asked you to? I just love cucumbers.
Lane: "There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, sir. I went down twice" (The Importance of Being Earnest, 8)
Reggie: "Least you finally bein' honest" (Everything Matters, 113)... What a pity, I really do love cucum... Lane, stop calling me sir!!! Well that's ok, I've actually been saving C4 from a guy I know over these last four years, just for this occasion?
Lane: You've been planning this for four years?
Reggie: Yep, I'm a lunatic. I thought you knew that, and I thought we were friends.
Lane: [pulling out a gun] I'm afraid I can't let you do this, I'm a member of the HSACHSB - House Servants Against Crazed, Homicidal, Suicide Bombers.
Reggie: [looking rather confused] Why on earth do YOU have a gun?
Lane: I'm a member of the neighborhood watch as well, now say goodnight. BANG! [Reggie squeals] HaHaHa I got you!
Reggie: That was not funny Lane
Lane: If you're so ready to blow yourself up why are you so afraid of dying?
Reggie: Whoa, whoa, whoa... Who said anything about me blowing myself up? You're going to do it.
Lane: Then I must be stopped [puts gun to his own head]
Reggie: No wait [Lane pulls the trigger and blood goes everywhere]... One down, one to go, told you I was going to get crazy with it Lane... [pulls out his own gun and shoots himself]
Algernon: What was that?!?! Oh dear, Lane!! Come clean this up! Lane!!! Where could that man be [exit Algernon]